Archive For July 2020
Recent events status
A lot has happened since I been writing statuses. It feels like its been a week, but its only been a couple days. Regardless of the hardships I do want to remember the best status’s that I think are worth keeping. Like I mentioned before I will save some if I get a lot of requests to do so. Although I am beginning to think I should start saving those that I think were my best ones or most significant of status’s. I am planning on creating a status tag for DIY projects and Craft projects. That way I am able to keep people up to date on everything. If I hit a rut in the road people will know I did not abandon a project. Perhaps it will go on the back burner when its not because I have to fix life problems.
Yesterday was a wonderful start to officially have things go uphill. I had a head ache from things, but I was able to set the next part into motion as mentioned in Public Pacifier. I got the motivation to sit outside my glass window. I had two of my metal panels that I was doing sketches for and while I was there on the porch I used my pacifier to help me concentrate. It was a difficult to handle the first wave of anxiety the item itself caused. However, after getting past this I found that I was able to relax and had no trouble with anxiety what so ever. I still plan to figure out how I am going to qualify a place, moment, or circumstance to qualify. Obviously if its not the place then it would have to be a circumstance when its critical I use this to recover from anxiety and or depression. The more I tackle my fear of being seen with it the more likely this will be effective to keep me from going into twilight zone.
I have mentioned how I use my imagination to solve my problems. I also have moments where I can’t exactly control when I go into my wonderland. I think its better to call it twilight zone when I fall into it involuntarily though. Its kind of hard to explain because I see what is around me, but my awareness goes to near zero. One of my biggest fears in getting my drivers license is that I will go into twilight zone while driving. Mind you these moments are rare because it only happens under extreme circumstances. Although if I can use my wonderland to gauge when its going to happen I can simply find a safe place to pull over and let it come and go. I am also considering using my pacifier even for the smallest of anxiety while driving. I do want to point out that the question of why is futile. I gave up trying to figure out why this works a long time ago. Its a piece of hard plastic with a rubber bulb. Why is the sky blue?!!
A List of Things
One of the many attributes of designing a system is to consider organization. However, this is far from why I choose low level programming. Better put, I prefer to begin with minimal and make things tailored to what ever the current task. At some point it would be beneficial to implement an interpreter. Lets go with the generic C code and compile it to the system that was built. You get the idea though. I hate being forced to use a particular set of shapes when I could simply cut the corners and make it all fit into one hole. That is how I like to look at it. When you design your own system you have the ability to decide what corners to cut and what shortcuts your willing to take.
This is how my life works anyway. I have to tailor my methods to work in a way where I understand it. Mind you there are times when I can’t simply cut corners. A script becomes more than necessary and I use short hand. AKA I can’t simply vanish to my wonderland. I have to find a way to still get a task done because there is not enough time. I would import a library as a programmer might say. Oh I can see a temporary bandaid when its put in place. Some people never take the time to stop to fix all the places they put a bandaid. People wonder why I have an imaginative and colorful wonderland. Well this might be it people!
Making a list can be critical, but assigning importance is proper execution to any schedule. Attach interrupt here; if button pressed proceed to “LED ARRAY." Obviously I need to consider my priorities. Does this create an instance for a conditional jump. Funny thing is in low level programming of circuitry there are no interrupts. We use conditional jumps to stop the code after a condition has been met. I consider my writing really important , but should this be considered a condition to stop any task? I have a real pet peeve when it comes to plot holes. I certainly don’t create logical stories, but I really like to eliminate problems if I can. When I find a solution I become fascinated with the details. Alas all the extra conditional instances can ruin the counter and the system will stall. I suppose I should consider a bullet journal, but I will leave you guys to think on this.
Simply to Be Without Any Reason Otherwise
I found my stopping point yesterday around 3pm. I did have to clean my room enough to make this work. I really find being on the floor to be a central part of my age regression. I have to admit its been a while since I did this outside of my wonderland. Every now and then I would spend a little under an hour because I need the escape in a busy day. Other times I will spend anywhere between an hour to about 3 hours in my wonderland. Most of the time I am holding my stuffed animal and using my pacifier while doing so. I suppose this explains why I often become nervous about text role play. Mind you I did have some friends who stuck with me in a light weight role play. It would mostly be us having a normal discussion in group chat and slightly use our baby OC’s to make the chat a bit more lively.
I remember when the Christian pony fan groups I was in would include some of us in a different chat group. One of us was a cat pony hybrid. The guy had a thing for Erin Hunters work in Warriors. I loved the authors imagination too. This guy in our group used age regression primarily for a coping strategy like me. It was kind of a shame we had our differences in spirituality. This is one of those people who was LGBT, but I admired how he went about it. His family was rather hard on his way of solving problems. However, his tolerance for other Christians is very admirable. He had every excuse to be bitter, but at heart he was the kindest person I knew. I have people offer to play the role of a care taker in text chat sometimes. My age regression is at times very spiritual and this often turns people away. I did have some Christian friends offer the time because they will notice my aggravation. I hide this really well most of the time. When it shows through thats the point where I have get my stuffed animal and clear my mind.
One thing for sure, the new activity on the week ends has been killer on the legs. My 2020 update on my little head space really explains this better. In short it has to do with feeling both safe and confident. Its not entirely a baby thing even though thats what a little head space is. Actually a lot of my coping strategy is about solving problems. I suppose thats why I hate it when people accuse me of idolizing my inner child. They don’t even have to say it. Their whole attitude about this is inaccurate and hypocritical. I do admit if I am to solve any problem while being here; this is the first. Why allow this to bother me if I could resolve it and move on. I have bigger more important problems to look at from my inner child’s perspective. I don’t need to waste all of this spirited inspiration on this insignificance. If they cant see who I really am then why try to explain it. Their own ignorance will be their own undoing.
If Your Going To Insult Me Do It Properly
Aside from the title I am in a good mood. Had a good day yesterday. I ended up grinding my studies in computing in the evening. Good news is I really think I will be able to wire something for a processor to do something. Normally everything is there already and all you need to do is write the program or copy it, and then upload the sketch to the arduino. Then the led on the board will blink. However, thats not the case with a micro processor. You need at minimum a chip to store the program, the processor, and then the ram for the system to keep track of everything. One wire out of place can throw the whole thing off. Even a faint distortion in a signal can throw it off. And people wonder why I use a pacifier to fiddle with in my mouth?
I was never one to use a pen cap or the back end of a pencil. Lets face it though. There is more to it then simply being able to think. Sometimes I just want to play with my imagination and let the breadboards sit for a few days. My favorite line in Monsters Inc is well… You would have guessed it. “ First of all it's cretin, if you're going to threaten me do it properly!” For the most part if no one picked up on it the whole age regression acronym AB is a way to mock people who give me a hard time. Your going to call me anything call me a babyfur/furbaby or if thats too hard then adult baby. Preferably I would like my nickname Lily if your going to reference my strategy though. However, I am not picky. Use my legal name and we can call it cool. If your posting to this website use the name Lily though. That is just a way I know your being respectful to this website. THANKYOU
A really big part of this is being able to get into my little headspace. Basically it is the idea of imagining myself similar to that of a child. I like to imagine I am once again a toddler and I can put away my adult life for a little while. This week end has been trial and error obviously. Its effective in that I become motivated to be a merge between my inner child and adulthood. AKA my normal public life. I get ideas I want to do and the moment of imagination did what it needed to. Actually the whole stereotype of adult is so unimaginative you might as well forget being human. I am a merge as defined in Mathew 18:1-5. When I wake up to my alarm I want to take a moment to snuggle my plush and tell her good morning. Unfortunately as you might as well guessed it. I fell asleep and woke up close to noon. SIGH! So, next week end will go better. I am sure of it.
Week Ends Perspective
“Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” (C.S. Lewis, Three ways of writing for children)
I have been seeing some things going in politics. I never planned on talking about government stuff on this website unless it had relevance to a public diary entry. LGBT and other stuff like that would be an example due to how I generally don't associate myself with them. I get a lot of assumptions unfortunately. Thats a story for another public diary entry. Generally I am not interested in making this website about politics. This is about overcoming your most difficult of life problems. However, I can’t ignore this political problem. I have a lot of concerns when it comes to autism and how so many of us use strategies that often get associated with very purvey things. I am sick of being associated automatically just because no one can see my disability. I don’t tolerate when people don’t ask and they are rude about it. I am not hard to talk to. If something concerns people or I am making them uncomfortable it would be nice if they can request me to do something different. Preferably in a polite attitude.
Of course this is a lot more complicated then having the ability to tolerate people. Actually I do a really good job if I am not under pressure. I am concerned about rumors. I can have really bad anxiety and or depression sometimes and the last thing I need are rumors that could get me into a lot of trouble. Otherwise I can tolerate a lot when its rude people. Things are getting complicated enough already. This website is about solving ones difficult problems. Age regression is a type of therapeutic activity. Some therapist even use this for those who had faced severe child hood trauma. Its a way to really understand who you are and your inner child. Ones inner child is a metaphor of saying innocence, faith, and love. While imagining yourself as that child even for a couple minutes you can see a new perspective. In a public place its reasonable to be modest, but its rude to expect anyone to carry a stone that they themselves would never be able to lift.
To say one is adult for merely having stereotypical adult behavior is beyond absurd. To say that you must acknowledge adult responsibilities 24/7 is a failure to being human. It is only normal for children to play pretend house and even push a plastic lawn mower imagining they themselves are an adult with responsibilities. When its in moderation it can be a wonderful way to appreciate ones adult self. Children should be motivated by who we are in order to grow up. When an adult is overly concerned with his responsibilities to the point of being overwhelmed they cannot be an adult. When I was little my anxiety and depression crippled me and I was afraid to be a child. When I became an adult I put away these childish concerns. This includes my fear of being a child. I hope the quote above really helps put a perspective on the goals of this website and imaginative craft. You don't need a plushy or a pacifier to put away adult concerns. You just need to be who God made you to be.