Did Ya Read It?
Whether You Read It
You Didn't Does Not Matter
I think a lot of people are familure with me asking whether or not they read my writing on the internet or in person. Also from who did you receive it from and was it a link? Whether or not a person did read it does not matter to me. I could care less about being noticed on the internet. Its where do I begin that matters. The online forum is sort of a medium where I can say things, test the water, and in some ways be myself as transparent as you could possibly imagine. If you read it this can give me an idea what to think and how I can deal with social anxiety.
If you did not read it then that gives me a clear place to begin. I try to be the same on the internet as I am in person. This is a big pet peeve of mine with some people. Its like they live two completely different lives. Some call it faking who they are with the online mediums. The way it may sound can seem sort of self-promotional or that I am prideful about my work in art and writing.
Actually the substance itself is a form of expression. It conveys something that is a part of me. Oddly enough I don't do well with verbal communication. Sometimes my words come to mind when I am writing and its sort of second nature. Like not even thinking about it and a giant paragraph is written. In face to face verbal its as if I am expected to write a perfectly polished essay without going back to read what I wrote or even do a single read through. I do grasp how this may turn people away or even sound like I am begging for attention. Trust me I noticed.
Verbal To For You
You Writing An Essay For Me
Its not something I would brag about because few people read anymore. There used to be a time when Blogging was a big thing. MySpace was all about setting up your own area. It was your room to put your stuff in. Whether it was literary, public diary, pictures, art, and even music. It was not coding using instruction sets for hex codes, but it was code. Commonly referred to BBC code or HTML was a thing you did for your public diary to make it look pretty. Few are impressed by pretty lights and virtual rooms.
This makes it hard for anti-social people like me. I don’t think I ever met an anti-social person who deeply desires being alone. Oh we have our moments of spending up to an hour or two just thinking. I get my moneys worth out of my stuffed animals let me tell ya. However, there really is not a desire to be alone. Everyone has at least one person they have around. Although it can be very little time of each day its not exactly something anyone wanted.
Essentially what all this means is that I am not bragging when I ask. Its my way of getting on the same page with other people. Showing my art is actually a quicker way to find common ground. If I could show you even the worst sketches I done it would help a lot to give me an idea what I should say or do. Verbal and non-verbal is not easy for me. Oh I could talk up a storm trying very hard to be verbal and like I said I hate being alone.
Art is A
Form of Expression
Giving me an idea where to go with things removes anxiety. Then that storm of over talking becomes ten times shorter because I have a place to work with. Obviously you are probably asking what about latter? Both instances have their value to me. Neither instance is more important then the other. Put simply, how much do you know about my process of thinking already?
If i can get a grasp of what a person knows then I can deal with social anxiety a whole lot easier. You don’t need to read a ten page essay with 9 point font single spaced to know that its a picture of a dragon, a pacifier, or even a mechanical engineering drawing. That is another place things can start. As Brony’s would say, “One Small Thing,” ya know with the imaginary sea shells named Shelly and Sheldon. (Inside Joke) Sky Star was adorable though!!!!
Back on task though. Verbal is easier once I grasp something. Perhaps a sketch by your own hand. I am often one to critique and oddly enough people find my insight helpful. Again not really bragging. Not entirely sure I want a long line of people asking me to critique their art. I can see how that can get annoying in emails or messages. Like, “are ya interested in a commission or not?”
However, art is like its sibling music. It speaks things that words could never grasp. I am well known by my family by being quite and then get angry because that is where I start off the bat. I say something from what I am thinking and people find it amusing. Yea, don’t go there. That pet peeve totally tops faking the online persona. Just be you and not make satire what satire is not or should never be when its expression.
Just because I ask does not mean I am asking for attention. Trust me if it was up to me I probably would be talking to the imaginative sea shells named Sheldon and Shelly. They get lost sometimes let me tell ya. My mind is a bottomless pit anyone could get lost in. Do me the favor and stay out of my diary because I am not paying for your therapy (Joking). If I am talking a storm maybe ignore me because oddly enough that helps too. Ask my mother she knows about this a tad bit too well. I never can tell if she is listening because I get used to her zoning into space. Yea, you don’t want to read my diary. Hnnnnng…. Get the pencil and pad and express something would ya. :p