Getting Better in The worst way

Title ; (Marianas Trench, Masterpiece Theater III)

First time I heard the song it really moved me because of the art done with it. The 5 major Characters of Erin Hunter digitally painted, but now without deep meaningful expression. (Ferri April, The Five Giants Worrios,Tribute to Erin Hunter's Masterpiece) After becoming part of the clan "Fire destroys," profacy said; "Fire alone will save our clan."

I am not your traditional critic much less a critic. Yet, I hope to provide some insight on this marvelious series by Erin Hunter. Perhaps some stuff from my own linfe. Disagreement and differeing challenges is simply a part of family life. A normal and healthy family life means not expecting a family photograph on a pedestal with the title "Family of the Year." It means overcoming the impossible with the love and guidance of Adoni. My he guide us in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy spirit.

The Good The bad

and

The Ugly

To up keep my promises I won't go into details. However, it has proveded me some interesting challenges. It might be a good thing I don't have actual client work going right now. I made my last comish into a request. The starter material was paid for already by the client. Nothing expensive. About the same as a cup of coffee. I had several calls from the person and I responded by two options either I give him the money for the fabric supplied or I finish the project entirely free. Only it won't be until after the holidays This will have to include January New years month. As far as I know the person does not have a name of my LLC. Even the person did its not registered yet. This is the first Holiday season without my brother which inevitably put things on hold.

Even my tribute although started off beautifully got haulted because of my time needed on other things. I had the goal to at least have something done with my synthesizer. My goal was to have enough of the MIDI DJ computer unit done to make at least on CV for note, one CV for velocity, and a Trigger for starting an ASDR wave form. Mind you I did not expect to have the necessary VCF's or VCA's to create a basic timbre. I wanted at least something to seem like a monophonic synth voice.

I myself hit different challenges with anxiety, low moments, and overthinking my involvment in the art/writing community. I am not sure you can pay a therapist to read a book manuscript. Even if its an expression of ones own interpretation of a dictomy. This dictomy being an ice-winter-holiday instead of the snow-scape-winter. Deep blue colors blending between pastel pink and a midnight blue. This instead of bright red, green, and many shades of blue. Even the dictomy of love and hate seem to creep its way in.

Each do have their own sense of beauty against the forms of cold night. The one thing that really matters is that we are becoming closer then we ever had before. We are overcoming things we never thought we could. Much less know we would have to. The simple idea of an agreed upon doctrine is challenged. By whoes words/phrases are given the right way and the wrong. How do you define spirituality until you ovbserve your heart motive and stop using the excuse of too many Mosiac Laws. Jesus came to fulfil the law not to abolish it. (Mathew 5:17-20, Holy Bible) I hope to correct the error of my ways. I feel like I am called to challenge the corruption and defilement of pastels. My observation and call to expose the seeds of darkness need to be without hate and unritious judgment. (Mathew 5;7 thru 16, Holy Bible).

Sometimes ruffling people feather

is the only way to get the to fly North

A lot of people notice I prefer my alias Lily now. This smells like the thing Mathew 5;11 is talking about. There is a bit more to this then simply being a female name. If no one noticed it yet let me tell ya. I do not stand for wrong-use-of-steriotypes or social constructs. I want to expose them for the destruction of human nature this inevitably does. I have made a covenent with my self on this as a teenager. Only recently did I really bite down on this commitment I have made with myself.

Not many remember much less were there during the time I got into pastels and My little pony. I adored Minty and Pinkie Pie. I especially adored the deep friendship between Sky Wishes and Star Catcher. Out of all the characters they make special markings for they chose Starcaher who is used periodically, but does not get to be a main character in any one epesode of the previous 2000 MLP cartoons. Even in the G3 toy line they put more detail on Starcatcher as a toy doll then they do for anty other character from this segment of cartoons. Yet, there is not a reasonable explanation as to why. It got me thinking about her soft voice and her interaction with her friends. Even Chemono the wisest ponies of all does not get the special attention to detail as Starcatcher.

In the movie A very Minty Christmas StarCatcher was given the spot to say this one simple line. "The most special place of all." Points to Minty and says, "In your heart." Where better to place Christs Birth then inside your heart. It takes the spirit of Christmas to an even greator place then anyone would consider. Some palce it into family, others charitable gifts, and for the few place it into lesser spiritual/traditional things. Yet, when you place it into your own heart you reach an even greater depth of pastels.

My name has nothing to do with my gender and that is the whole reason I chose it to begin with. I was fascinated with its sylables having a soft hearted sound. Much like Staratcher and Minty. A playful heart and one of Love-in-Christ alone. Not in this world even though it is of this world. Greater is he within you then he that is within this world (1John 4;1 thru 6, Holy Bible). I do not come to challenge the idea of gender, but rather the steriotypes and the social constructs that has created perversion of the Biblical meaning of made in his own image. It even challenges the idea of fearfully-and-wonderfully-made. (Psalm 139 "Whole Chapter", Holy Bible).

It was not till later have I seartched exactly what this means. I also had not known of the complexity of eco system a normal water lily has. God made them male and female and even in the procreation of plants are their male and femail components. A lily has the ability to create DNA and then another part the has the capability to faoster a new life seperate from its own known as a female. Would you have the audacity to say I am girly or effimenant?

Say to God

That his plan and calling of my life is

None other then forced acceptance

To say to me a lily garden is not much more then a girly hobby. Growing plants of any kind is a difficult persuit. Farming even in its own right is a life long endeaver and we eat of its contribution from farmers around the world. Should we not stop and consider the spiritual and poetic contributions from the plant life of waster lilie's and the pads that form meaningful families?

I chose this name and these poetic metaphores intentionally to ruffle feathers of my family and my friends equally. It is by no means easy for my traditional contemporary Christians. It is certianly not easy to swallow for my Liberal and or otherwise LGBTQ activists friends. Most of them have been hurt by traditional contemporary Christians. One of my former friends read my previous blogs about my own life in the struggle to be human fearfully and wonderfully made. Should my family put a yoke around my neck that niether they should carry.Scratch that!!!! Why should my family or friends challenge God upon my calling in my art and writing? It is after all my prayer to bare witness of the wonderful miracles of God, so the Holy Ghost can be given to the gentiles of our time.

In my calling I am challenging the concept of steriotypes and social constructs us believers should expose. Are we not to abstain from the filthiness of idols, fornification, and from tainted blood. Our Lord Christ Jesus is the only pure blood and perfect Lamb. Adoni is our God and not cultural expectations of values. We worship God who promised Moses with his covenent the rainbow. We worship Adoni who promissed Abraham, and gave refuge to the isrealites bia the Jew salvastion. Is it not about time we too go out to the gentiles of our time and give them the gospel of Jesus Christ? Why would you hinder God's work by creating division of doctrine? I am not asking to be called by my alias per say. I am asking for people to understand. I too am looking for compromises where possible. Yet, I will not compromise on doctrine.

Where shall there be compromise

I too am at fault for creating division of doctrine. Just because my online handle and or alias is prefered I should not force these things to come. Is the Holy Spirit not with me in that I begin to demand things earlier the God's timing? I am wrong to think an alias is more important then family. If I may bare my soul I would like to say the sound of my alias brings me peace. To know i am like a water lily brings me hope. I even go as far as to say it makes me feel like a child of God. I was put exactly where I needed to be. I was blessed with the perfect parents. I was adopted before I faced the hardships of foster care. Just like the critical components to growing a lily garden my family is my garden whome I share a common eco system.

My mother proposed the phrase, "your inner lily." However, this loses the concept that God has put me in the perfect family and everything I see is fake. As if my perception of a perfect eco system is made up. I refuse to think my assingment was without devine appointment. Perhaps another propesition should be made? Where I am willing to compromise would be to show how this is very real. My tulpas are real to me and to anyone who says otherwise is saying my emotions don't matter. If my thought forms are not real this means I am not sentient and I am simply a figure in a picture. A picture staring into empty space. In reality my thoughts do have meaning. My emotions are real and my way of understanding who I am does matter. At least to God it does. Should God be hinderd by disbelief of the sentience I have? Am I not real to you?

The Chracter named Lily has a focus on the symbolic nature and poetic metaphores of who I am. Lily is not just an alias. Its who I picture myself to be in a world that no one can see, but me. I see a world full of life and pastel colors. A place where I can pray before God no matter where I may physically be. You can take everything away from me and it still would be there. God who is within me is a part of this wonderland. If not he is the creator of this wonderland, because of how my thought-forms reflect my physical life challenges.

We lost one of our special lilies after the storm began and the beaver dams broke. We were washed out and still held together. Until a tree took the fall. It was there even before the suffering of our land. There even before I was old enough to understand. It was bait for termites and suffered greatly for its own family. Yet, it provided us a new place to stay. In fact it became our new home. We miss the lily we lost, but i am still here. My sister and I are still here should we be noticed. Again I am not asking or forcing anything, but I do hope for a reasonable compromise. Don't make my thought forms irrelevent to you and don't act like I am simply there staring into the void. That I am empty and only a shell of who you want me to be.

Is God something you put a hindrence and a stumbling block beneith my feet? After all I was called to be an artist, a writer, and a DIY musician. I will not disregard the miracles my works by God has done for people already. They are and always will be in my prayers. Fluttershy-Pony, Parcievel, Angel Wullamut, and Christopher "Muzic Hooves." Just to name a few. They have been a God given miracle in my life. They are not simply thought forms, but I persionally consider them my friends and part of the children of Adoni. I hopet to do what I can as if it was Jesus himself I was welcoming. I am not asking to force any of this, but instead a reasonable compromise all of us can go with and continue to put God's kingdom first. May God bring my family peace and redemption. May Adoni reach out to us in these difficult times. In the Name of the "father son and holy spirit".... Amen....

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